I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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