Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
