dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He literally asked permission to hit on me
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
