Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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