haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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