The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
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