its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
