Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
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It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
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Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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