So drunk its hurt
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
