this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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