Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
