He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
