it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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