dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
