i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
