Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
