six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
