It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
