Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
