Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
