If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
