i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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