You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just puked most of my soul out..
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
