When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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