Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
