I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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