i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
