What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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