i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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