Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
