I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
