I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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