watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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