I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
