Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
