Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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