Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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