I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
