bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
