we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
