Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
