shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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