And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
