She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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