Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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