I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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