Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
this will be a night to untag.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
