her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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