I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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