I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
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