I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
