yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
