I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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