i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
