Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
