Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
