Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
