So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
