My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Everclear isn't food dammit
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
