if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
