They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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