it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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