btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
