Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
