While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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