So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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