just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
