My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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