you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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